- A/N: Okay, so first of all, I'd just like to leave a message for anyone that self harms. You don't have to do this; it's not worth it. You're beautiful, you have a reason to be here, and you are loved. I don't care why you're doing it, you just honestly should stop. Not for me; for the boys. I just want you all to know that if you ever need advice, help, or just a friend, I'm here. <3 Literally, I'm always here 'cause I have no life haha.
- Luke: You couldn't take it. You knew that being Luke Hemmings girlfriend would come with a lot of restrictions, and you could handle being away from him; but you couldn't handle the hate. At first, you thought the fans would soon stop caring; but they didn't. In fact, they only seemed to start hating you more and more, and it was driving you mad. "They shouldn't do that to people that self harm", you thought, but they didn't know you did it. Nobody knew. So many times you thought of telling Luke, but you never did. You were afraid he'd just walk away, just like everyone else in your life did. Reading all those disgusting things didn't make you angry at the people sending it to you; it made you angry with yourself. Angry 'cause you couldn't make Luke happy like Aleisha did. Angry 'cause you weren't pretty enough for him, or thin enough for him, or perfect enough for him. Angry 'cause you were useless. You deserved to die. And those were the thoughts that took you to the bathroom, blade in hand, ready for it. You took all of the rage you had and discounted it on yourself; you marked the words on your body. Slut. Ugly. Useless. Blood and tears mixing; sobs lost in the night. Little did you know that Luke was standing in the doorway; staring at you like you were cutting him. "(Y/N)", he said with a shaky voice. This was it, he found out. "Luke, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you -", you were cut off by his warm embrace. In instants he got down to ground, seating next to you and hugging you with all his love. "(Y/N) why didn't you tell me?", he whispered in your ear. "Luke, I'm so sorry. I almost told you so many times, but I was afraid you'd leave me", you cried into his chest. "Babe, I'd never leave you. I'm going to help you trough this, okay?", you nodded as he kissed your tears away. And just like that, you let him clean you up. He tweeted about the hate, helped you delete your twitter account and checked your body everyday; not finding cuts since that night.
- Ashton: You were being pushed, but couldn't care less. You were about to meet your idols; 5 Seconds Of Summer. An update account posted their hotel, so you went there with no hesitation. The only problem was: all of the girls were prettier than you. Your self esteem only went lower than it already was, and you pulled the sleeves of your shirt lower to hide your cuts better.The only thought that crossed your mind was Ashton falling in love with some random, hot, chick. "Hey, love, want a picture?", a thick accent asked from behind you. You turned around to see Ashton Irwin standing in front of you with that breath taking smile of his. "Yeah, sure", you pushed your depressive thoughts away as you smiled for the picture. "Thanks", you said as you tried to leave. "Wait", he said pulling your wrist, lifting your sleeve up. At the sight of your exposed cuts, you quickly pulled your sleeve down again. "Why are you doing this to yourself?", he asked hugging you really tight. "'Cause I'm not pretty, thin, or perfetct... 'Cause I'm not what other people want me to be", you quietly whispered. "Well, you're gorgeous just the way you are for me, you're perfect just like that.", he said as he took a pen out of his pocket and lifted your sleeves up again. You tried to pull the down, not wanting other people to see it, only to be stopped by his big hands. "Every time you think of hurting yourself again, think that you'll be hurting me too.", he said as he draw a butterfly on each of your wrists with his name under it. "Okay", you whispered. "Sorry, I didn't catch your name", he said. "Oh, it's (Y/N)", you responded timidly. "(Y/N)... Beautiful name for a beautiful girl. Don't forget that I love you and your perfect to me", he said hugging you once again, before getting lost in the sea of fangirls.
- Michael: It had become part of your routine; cutting. Every day, when you were alone at home, you'd go to the bathroom and do it. The funny thing was that you were so good at pretending you were happy that nobody ever thought you'd do it; not even your boyfriend. Michael was just the sweetest guy on Earth, and when you were with him, you'd actually feel that happiness you didn't feel in so long. And you wanted to stop, for him, but you couldn't. It was stronger than you. So, today, when he had left for rehearsal, you went to the bathroom to do it again; crying each time the blade touched your skin. "Babe?", you heard Michael's voice from outside the door. At first you thought that he had seen you, but then you realized you had locked the door. "Yeah?", you tried to sound normal, but your voice was too shaky. "Babe? What's wrong?", he asked concerned. "Nothing's wrong, I'm perfectly fine." You lied. "I know when you're lying, (Y/N). And, either way, I have to get in there 'cause I think I forgot my phone there.", you looked around for it, only to find it on the sink counter. "Yeah, it's here...", your voice drifted away; this was it, he was going to find out. "Well, I'm late, and I really need to get it so I can stay in touch with you... So, can I come in?", you were having a fight with your inner self while he spoke, but, slowly, you crawled to the door and opened it. There he was, looking as innocent and perfect as always, eyes switching from happy to horrified when he laid his eyes on you, instantly falling to the ground to touch your arms. "(Y/N), why?", you started to cry harder in his embrace. "Michael, I'm really sorry, it's just that I've been feeling so unhappy, I'm so sorry; it just became natural.". "Did I do anything to make you unhappy?", he asked, hurt in his eyes. "No, no! The only moments I was actually truly happy were with you.", you whispered. He looked around for a moment, lifting one arm to the counter to get his phone, then hugging you again. "You're gonna be late for rehearsal.", you said. "I'm not going, the love of my life needs me.", he said as he texted something, probably a warning that he was missing today's rehearsal to one of the boys. "I love you so much, (Y/N), I don't want to see you like this", he started to rock you back and forth in his arms. "I love you too, Michael. And I'll try to stop, I promise". "Pinky promise?", he asked. "Pinky promise", you answered.
- Calum: You were in the middle of a make out session with Calum on his couch, and things were getting pretty heated. "Wanna take this to the bedroom?", he asked. "Sure", you said, feeling yourself being pulled by his hand to his bed. Once you were comfortable, you got back to where you were; kissing each other like it was the last time. It didn't take long 'till you took Calum's shit off; throwing it somewhere in the room. You were too lost in the moment to reason that doing that would lead him to try to take your shirt off too. But once his hands got in touch with the thin material of your shirt, you were instantly pulled out of your dream; there were cuts all over your belly. "Cal, I think we should stop", you said pushing him away. "Why?", he said giving you the puppy dog look. "'Cause I think we're going too far", you said, looking away from him. He muttered an 'okay', and left the bed to go get his shirt, before joining you once again on the bed. "We can always do this instead, right?", he asked cuddling you. You let out a small laugh, before letting him spoon you, feeling comfortable again. Slowly, his fingers started to draw random figures on your hip bones, making it's way up to your belly; you tensed up. "Okay, what's wrong?", he asked. You knew that you couldn't hid it anymore; he was going to find out one way or another. "Okay, I have to tell you something", you sat up on the bed, taking a deep breath before lifting your shirt up, leaving him eye wide. "I've been cutting for quite a while now", you whispered. "Oh, (Y/N), (Y/N), (Y/N).", he said sitting up to hug you. "Why are you doing this to yourself?", he whispered. "I don't know. I'm not happy with myself, I guess." you said, feeling tears rolling down your cheeks. "Babe, you're perfect, how could you not be happy with yourself?", you shrugged, letting a sob fall from your lips. "I love you so much, I'll help you get through this, okay? I'm right here for you.", he kept comforting you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear, 'till you fell asleep in his arms.
"That’s the thing about pain," Augustus said, and then glanced back at me. "It demands to be felt."
~’Augustus Waters, The Fault In Our Stars by John Green.’
You’re single because you’re single. It’s not because you texted too much or too little or waited 33 minutes to respond because he took 23. It’s not because you met up with your ex that night at 5 a.m. that no one knows about, or because you kissed another boy after a date with a loser.
You’re not single because you spit food on that date or tripped coming out the the movie theatre. You’re not single because you hurt your first boyfriend really badly when you were 15 or because you have yet, to this day, to apologize. It’s not because you were secretly jealous when your friend got a boyfriend or that a guy you dated for two months now has a really cute girlfriend and looks really happy. And you’re happy for him. But still ill that he found someone before you.
You’re not single because you slept with your ex boyfriend. You’re not single because half the world found out when you didn’t even want to remember it yourself. You’re not single because you think the guy your friend wants to hook you up with is ugly or not tall enough. It’s not because you’re not willing to put up with someone who doesn’t brush their teeth on a regular basis.
You’re not single because your standards are too high. Good for you for having standards. It’s not because you didn’t like that really, really good guy who wanted to take you on a date and you just weren’t feeling it. And it’s not because you like to wear pajama pants as soon as you get home and wash all the makeup off your face. You’re not single because you didn’t learn enough from the past or would rather chill on a Friday night with your blanket and a cold beer than shower, get ready, and go out. You’re not single because something is wrong with you.
You are single because you are single. It’s really as simple as that. You haven’t made the connection with another heart yet. You can get dolled up, dress cute, cut your hair, dye your hair, tweeze your eyebrows, put on lipstick and you may still. be. single. You can go out to a bar hoping to meet the love of your life and not find a damn one in the place attractive. And it’s going to remain that way until it’s time for you to find one. Stop hoping for it. Start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for things that you don’t have. There will come a time you’ll meet a boy and you’ll have to give up some of this single freedom you currently have. Start being more thankful. Start doing that now.
Why You’re Single by Amanda Crute (via heartless)
the first step towards confidence is not being afraid to be ugly
once you get over the fear of being unattractive and stop equating beauty with other good things in life (friends, love, happiness) it’s a lot easier to love yourself unconditionally
your job is not to sit around and be pretty and easy on everyone else’s eyes
your job is to do whatever the fuck you want and look however the fuck you want while doing it